This weekend I was tested in more ways than one. My Husband, Mother and I headed to Taos for a weekend getaway tied to a yoga class that I had set up. I was tested with patience. I love my mother, but let's be honest, we can get on each others nerves. I was also tested with trusting my gut as some things have been occurring lately that make me wonder if peoples intentions are in the right place when it comes to me, my friends, work relationships and of course through YogaZo. Most of all, I was tested with acceptance and that lovely art of letting things go. Update, I still haven't let this go, however, I am working on it.
I got sucked into a Facebook confrontation by some keyboard warriors who wanted to attack and question my teachings of Yoga. They judged the fact that because my class was taught in a bar that it is not considered Yoga. They judged my business to say that it is a "perverted corporatization" that is ruining years and years of practice set before me. They mentioned that they are thankful that they "can focus on the beings who intend to purify in their beings to a level that one who drinks alcohol may not grasp." There was much more disgusting things said, including that they created the board to make a welcoming environment for all who belonged. Weird, this was one of the most hostile discussions I had been in, maybe ever? This was one of the most grotesque things I had read simply for the fact I will get into at the end of this post.
While I will be honest, my first thought was self-doubt. Here I was with 3 WOMEN yogis (which was discouraging in itself) who were so quick to tear my business down, my teachings down and now taking a hit at those who attend my classes too. Let's be honest, for anyone out there who has ever put their whole self into something like I have for YZ, that includes a passion, hobby, business, love, ANYTHING, it then became personal.
My second thought, which I hate to say (or do I?), was "How Fucking Dare YOU" and that thought came along with a faster heart rate followed by the ever so lovely anger. I was pissed. I'll skip the next few thoughts as those I'm sure you can improvise a bit in your own minds - think, someone tells you your dog is fat, or that YOU are not good enough... Yep, Anger. From there I ran the conversation as it was unfortunately growing at this point, over and over in my head and even threw a few bits and pieces over to my husband who told me to just leave it. I did leave the conversation but I was still processing it and while the other conversation highlights that continued to be personal hits from these three for a span of about 12 hours continued (I tapped out way before then) I was able to take a step back and write this and then realize, this is just a blip on the map. These women have no idea about me, YogaZo, our community, fuck- our FAMILY for that matter. They have no idea what we have built and the work we still have left to do in our community. Just in case anyone was wondering, YogaZo isn’t going anywhere. They see something that they feel strongly about and in this case feel strongly against and went for it. For that, kudos! You are living passionately and I can’t hate that fierce approach and loyalty to your version of yoga. What I will strongly disagree with is this, shame on you for being everything that I refuse to fold to with Yoga (and even my own religion). Your approach is horrid. Practice what you preach and learn first to accept others for who they are and what they bring to the table before you judge them entirely. All I see is women taking a road of judgement and throwing out hatred because of an insecurity you might be dealing with. I can say this because I too deal with my own insecurities and sometimes, they get the best of me. I am the first to appreciate someone who is an expert in their field, who has paid their dues, done the time it takes to get to a place of excellence in their practice, body and mind. What you showed me this weekend is the opposite and unfortunately you lost all possible credibility in my book. Your ego took over and went after someone that you knew nothing about because you felt entitled. I could go on and on, I will spare any of you reading this and just play that out in my own mind. But for any of you who think that because you can do a pose better than someone, or you studied under Ghandi himself, or you created Sanskrit, unless you can humbly share your voice and let your “resume” speak for itself, while learning about others before judging them and their practice, I don’t want to hear you the way you shared “your practice” with me this weekend.
Now, if you are still reading, (thank you) there is an overall point to this blog post. I needed to write this for a few things. YogaZo has been a true labor of love and passion for me from day one. It continues to exceed my expectations, surprise me and bring me to tears on a regular basis. It is one of the most beautiful things I have personally witnessed, but also something that is beautiful for so much more than what I can express. It has taken a life of its own for each person who practices with us whether it be one time or on a regular weekly basis. It allows for individuals beginner to expert to come through the doors of a local establishment to meet on the mat and connect through YOGA! Yep, I am teaching yoga ladies and gentlemen. It might not be your preferred yoga practice, (which is the MOST beautiful thing about Yoga) but it is indeed yoga.
I created YZ to have a space where people can meet one another, have actual conversations, connect to their breath and move. Most importantly to give back while doing something for yourself, your mind and your body. I am writing this because I am still committed to our mission and although I did get discouraged and doubt myself this weekend thanks to you 3 yogis, I am doing this for a purpose bigger than myself. If you don’t like my yoga, don’t come, but that is your choice, because you are always welcome with YogaZo.
If you would like to weigh in or discuss this post further, I encourage the conversation to continue so please email me at yogazoabq@gmail.com
Zozo,
Ashley